Where do I start?

So to blog I thought I would need to upload a bunch a pictures and videos all the time as my sisters do ( they are great at blogging!), but that is simply not the case. I use to keep a diary; in fact I have nine. Majority of my writings are simply my therapy sessions when I was able to write what I wanted without getting any slack for it. I was sad and depressed, and so I wrote sad and depressing thoughts. When I met my husband Ty I basically stopped writing. I found my happy! I never seemed sad or depressed, and therefor I didn't find a need for any more therapy sessions. There comes a time in a woman's life that she needs to let things out. I don't mean that I'm not happy any longer, but I just don't have that specific someone to just let it all out. Mommy-hood takes a toll every once in awhile. I have to blame it mostly on the lack of sleep, and the fact women are just simply hormonal!

There is nothing better than to become a mother. My life with Sophia is AMAZING, and it is almost ridiculous how much I could love someone. I literally can't find the words how motherhood is the most euphoric feeling one could ever have. Not to down play the daddy's out there, but I promise you it is different!

I don't know if I keep things built up inside or if I just simply don't care to deal with such negative, sad, or depressing issues. I always felt as if I was one to let things out, and to talk about what was on my mind... Do I? Do I tell people that life is hard.....well no, because I don't know the situation others may be in so why should I complain! Do I let people know how difficult it is when I am really stress out......no, because why bother others when they can't do anything about it. Regardless what God has put in front of me I know it is for a purpose! He loves me and even during difficult times He wants me to feel his love.

I feel lost, but not hopeless. In a way I put so much pressure on myself to succeed. I was determine to finish school.....I did and with honors! Now I feel stuck thinking what am I suppose to do now. The position I have now literally pays me less than what I made babysitting in high school, and I am a college graduate with a family to support. How do I do this? What is my next step? God is challenging me, but I am so lost as to what He wants me to do! I have to put everything on hold until I figure things out. The only thing I can do as of right now is to grab my rosary, cry and pray that our hardship doesn't lead us to desperate measures. I want to keep my home; I want to give Sophia the opportunities to dance, and have swim lessons; I don't want to struggle, and it's up to me to find a job that allows me to make Soph's dreams come true when she get older!

I feel a strong force to pray more than I have ever felt. This isn't because we are struggling, but because for a while I have realized that my love for Mary and Jesus will bring my husband and daughter to me in heaven one day. As a wife and a mother I must pray no matter how hard life can be.

So I guess that is my cue to go, and grab my rosary and pray!

Jess

A little note....

I would love to post pictures, but I can't find the batteries to the camera! I just wanted to write a quick update. Although I know this blog sits idle for long periods of time, I still like to go back to it every once in a while.
Wow, how time flies. Just a little over 6 months ago I gave birth to little baby Sophia. Our lives have been so blessed ever since! I was lucky enough to have been able to spend the first six months of her life at home with her. God knew exactly what I needed, and He provided!! Ty and I have experienced life on such a different level than what it was before. We live life for her now, and work our tails off for her future, not ours! I must say, I have been so overwhelmed with so much in the past couple of weeks.
Ever since Ty started his new job, his schedule is constantly changing. Its hard when your husband works so much. Our time together seems to be limited right now, because of his work schedule. I had no idea that I was so emotionally attached to my husband until he started this job. I almost felt like a little kid who wanted to cry every time mommy left. He has been at this job for almost 2 months now, and I still find myself missing him SO much! I took for granted the time we use to have, and now I try to soak up every moment!
With Ty being gone so much, it has given me so much responsibility with Sophia and the house. At first I was trying to be super woman and getting it all done: the baby, the dogs, cleaning the house, laundry, cooking dinner......whatever it may have been, I was there to do it. Now that I have started my job last week, I am still trying to figure out a good schedule. After getting home from work, I immediately fed Soph, gave her a bath, read some books and put her to bed. By the time that is all done, its 7:30/8 pm. I tried so hard to do homework(which I so need to be doing now!) that by the time I started, I was too tired to stay awake.
I am going to do my best to be a great mom, a wonderful wife, a dedicated employee, and a good student. Its taking a lot out of me, but the minute I became a mother was when I realized that my time isn't my time any longer. I'll do anything for her, even if it is feeling like a zombie at times.
I just have to remind myself that my mother did it with 9 kids, I can do it with one! Heck, my mom and dad are still doing it! WOW, that just put a thought in my head........If I am 60 years old still doing this, I will have the darkest circles under my eyes. OMG, what were my parents thinking???
Okay, I really have to study now..... oh ........I'm so tired!

Happy Halloween!

Well here in Ashland we had Halloween on Thursday instead of Saturday. Every year since I've been here it has never been on the 31st. I know that they won't do Wednesdays because people here do church that night. They won't pick Fridays because it is football night, and Saturday is when all the drunks are out. So I'm getting use to it, but I will always think its strange to "trick or treat" on any other day than Halloween.

Sophia was a fairy this year. We actually didn't have an outfit until that day when Janice, her babysitter, made her this. It was so cute, and she loved it!

I feel bad I didn't post this picture earlier, because my sister Jacque wanted to see them before the 31st. Oops! I've been busy!

So we let Nanna J and Papaw take Sophie for the night and had some people over. It was a lot of preparation for a few people but we had so much fun. These are the girls I use to work with. Miss seeing them everyday!

Erica and Charlie Renee and Billy

Ray(one of Ty's oldest buddies) and Rebekah

Nothing but trouble!

Joy and Crabman (My name is Earl)

We don't want bucked teeth!

I laid Sophie down in her swing, so that I could get on the computer and pay bills. She didn't make a sound so I figured she fell asleep. Sure enough when I went to go check on her she was sleeping. I guess she must have lost her passy because I found her sucking on her thumb. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, and then I remember me! I sucked on my thumb forever and had bucked teeth from it. This girl is not going to do the same! No more adorable thumb sucking!

Update

Here are some pictures of Sophie about 2 weeks ago. She is so cute! The first three are from a wedding we went to. This is also a few days before she started to smile.

We love to sleep!

Oh Sophie!

Okay.... so my sister Jacque called me and asked me to post some pics of Sophie. I took some yesterday and today, and was able to capture her smiling. She just started to smile about 2 weeks ago, and Ty and I are on cloud nine!! She makes us laugh everyday and we are so taken by how much she is changing as time passes. Sometimes we think it passes too fast. We have only had her for 10 weeks and yet it seems like just yesterday we brought her home.

Notice I tried to mess her hair up to look like her cousin Emilia, so that she doesn't feel like the only one.

Today

As I sit here posting these pictures I have so many things going through my head. Ty and I are going through a rough time, but regardless we are constantly laughing, plus we know that we could have it a million times worse. I had experienced a moment in my life when I was looking on the outside in. I watched my sister Luci and her husband Chris go through the most difficult time a parent could possibly go through. It was from them that I learned how to be selfless with my own baby girl. They have allowed me to see life in such a different perspective, and treasure each day that we have.

Hope and Grace are constantly on my mind. Every time Sophie looks into space and starts to smile, I ask her if the girls are with her playing. I am a different person because of my two little nieces Hope and Grace, as well as my own little girl Sophia. As the girls play joyfully in heaven my heart is still heavy and I miss them deeply. I know my sister misses them each and everyday as well. There isn't a day that goes by that I am humble for what I have, and grateful that Sophie has the two most wonderful God parents EVER!

Anyways, I suppose they are with me now, because I felt the need to talk about them.

Well I hope you are now happy Jacque.... I finally posted some pictures. I am having a great day today and hope to have a good cold weekend snuggling.

Sophia's Arrival

It has been such an incredible time in my life. I have never been so happy before. It seems as if I have been blessed a million times over, and yet I don't know what I have done to deserve such joy.

On August 6th I had a doctors appointment to have a simple check up. I was hoping to get good news, but instead they told me that there wasn't any change. I was disappointed, but knew I only had one week until Sophia's due date. I went grocery shopping and then went home. I laid down for a nap and fell asleep. When I woke up I just laid there trying to come alive out of a deep short sleep. Then I felt it. My water broke. I called for Ty, and amazingly enough we were both calm. But I was so confused, and wasn't for sure that it really happened. I wasn't having contractions, and it was nothing like I saw in the movies. So we went to the hospital, and sure enough that was the beginning of my labor. It was 8pm.

Everything seem to be going so fast. I knew my mom and sister were on the way to Ashland, and Ty's parents were there soon after I was admitted. Time flew by, and I felt as if I was in a dream. I kept thinking, 'Is this really happening to me?'

It wasn't until the next day, August 7th, that baby Sophie decided to grace us with her presence. At 3pm the doctors said that we were going to try to push, and of course I was fine with it, considering I couldn't feel anything below my waist. Luci, my sister, was in the room to begin with and she looked at me and said "I'm staying, is that ok with you?" Secretly I wanted her there so bad, but was too afraid to ask her. It has been a rough road for us, and yet we have been lucky to have had one another through all of this. I knew that Hope and Grace were there every minute with Sophia as she came into this world. I also knew that they were with their mother at that time, reminding her how much they love her. I needed Luci there, and I am glad she wanted to be there. At one point, I looked at Luci and she had her head down crying, and then I looked at my husband and he had his head down crying. I almost lost it! At that point I wanted to break down and cry too, but I held it together and looked up at the ceiling and focused. I knew that I couldn't look at them again until it was all over, because if I started to cry there wouldn't be a way to stop me.

At 3:12 my baby was here. Did I really just carry a baby for 9 months and give birth. Is this real? What a gift I was given by our Lord to experience such love! I now know that this was meant to be forever my calling...a mother. I was meant to be a mother, and I am head over heels for my daughter. I have fallen in love all over again with my husband as I watch him with her. I watch him love her, and want to take care of her as much as I do. I think I must give Sophie a million kisses a day. Granted I am new at being a mother, but once again I am meant to do this. Sophie is my life and each day I spend with her is another day I thank God for everything in my life. I feel so undeserving and so very grateful!!

Luci coming out to tell the grandparents that Sophie was here!

She was wonderful!

Proud Godparents of Sophia Dominique

We did it, she is finally here!

He is so amazing with her!

She looks nothing like me, all her daddy

This makes me too emotional to look at.

Nana, my mom, holding my baby...

when I can just imagin that it use

to be me she was holding.

This is what she does ALL day long.

Sophia at 35 weeks

I can't stop laughing at these pictures. I have had a smile on my face since leaving the doctor's office. I have waited so long to have another ultra sound and it finally came. Today was wonderful to see Sophie and I am amazed how big she is. The doctor told us that she is at least 6lbs right now, and my mouth dropped. I now know why I am so uncomfortable at night!!! I can't ever find a good enough position and I feel like she weighs a ton.

She looks like her daddy for sure. It is obvious that she has his chin!! I think that is what makes me laugh so much just thinking about it! Her eyes look big, and Ty says she has my nose because its wide and flat(what??). Anyways, it was so wonderful to see my baby Sophie, and these pictures are amazing to me. I am worried to see how much more weight she is going to gain!



Her foot and the umbilical cord kept getting in the way, so these are the best pictures we got.

Look at those lips!!!

Seriously, it is so Ty's chin..... so funny!

She is trying to hide behind the cord.

Is that hair I see on my baby girl?