Where do I start?

So to blog I thought I would need to upload a bunch a pictures and videos all the time as my sisters do ( they are great at blogging!), but that is simply not the case. I use to keep a diary; in fact I have nine. Majority of my writings are simply my therapy sessions when I was able to write what I wanted without getting any slack for it. I was sad and depressed, and so I wrote sad and depressing thoughts. When I met my husband Ty I basically stopped writing. I found my happy! I never seemed sad or depressed, and therefor I didn't find a need for any more therapy sessions. There comes a time in a woman's life that she needs to let things out. I don't mean that I'm not happy any longer, but I just don't have that specific someone to just let it all out. Mommy-hood takes a toll every once in awhile. I have to blame it mostly on the lack of sleep, and the fact women are just simply hormonal!

There is nothing better than to become a mother. My life with Sophia is AMAZING, and it is almost ridiculous how much I could love someone. I literally can't find the words how motherhood is the most euphoric feeling one could ever have. Not to down play the daddy's out there, but I promise you it is different!

I don't know if I keep things built up inside or if I just simply don't care to deal with such negative, sad, or depressing issues. I always felt as if I was one to let things out, and to talk about what was on my mind... Do I? Do I tell people that life is hard.....well no, because I don't know the situation others may be in so why should I complain! Do I let people know how difficult it is when I am really stress out......no, because why bother others when they can't do anything about it. Regardless what God has put in front of me I know it is for a purpose! He loves me and even during difficult times He wants me to feel his love.

I feel lost, but not hopeless. In a way I put so much pressure on myself to succeed. I was determine to finish school.....I did and with honors! Now I feel stuck thinking what am I suppose to do now. The position I have now literally pays me less than what I made babysitting in high school, and I am a college graduate with a family to support. How do I do this? What is my next step? God is challenging me, but I am so lost as to what He wants me to do! I have to put everything on hold until I figure things out. The only thing I can do as of right now is to grab my rosary, cry and pray that our hardship doesn't lead us to desperate measures. I want to keep my home; I want to give Sophia the opportunities to dance, and have swim lessons; I don't want to struggle, and it's up to me to find a job that allows me to make Soph's dreams come true when she get older!

I feel a strong force to pray more than I have ever felt. This isn't because we are struggling, but because for a while I have realized that my love for Mary and Jesus will bring my husband and daughter to me in heaven one day. As a wife and a mother I must pray no matter how hard life can be.

So I guess that is my cue to go, and grab my rosary and pray!

Jess